Monday, January 16, 2012

Trailer: "Shark Night"!

So I have some questions...



Why do they keep going into the lake? (Did they all lose their cell phones, or is the island conveniently outside a service area? Are they all iPhone users? If not, are you still allowed to pretend that all of the cell phone service areas do not include rich-people islands? Really?) Why are there sharks in the lake? (I know, one of the boys says "It's a salt water lake." But still. Is there a sick genius behind this twisted scheme?) Why are they trying to trap the sharks? (If they don't trap the sharks, will something amazing happen that will kill them in an awesome way?) Where did they get those shark-week cages? (Sick genius provides, I'm sure.)

WHY IS THIS NOT AT THE REDBOX NEAR MY HOOOOOUUUSE?!?!?

I got Rise of the Planet of the Apes instead :(

**UUUUUPdate**

Shark Night is the BEEEEST! Guess what the plot is????

The plot is like this: Because "Shark Week" is so successful, three dudes (bumbling cop, scorned diver, idiot nutcase) figure out how to buy, transport, implant with cameras, and nurture all of the different species of sharks from all over the world in a single salt-water lake in the US. Makes sense, right? Their plan is to become rich off of youtubing footage of people getting eaten by sharks. Smart, right? Although this has been going on for three years, they have yet to upload any videos :(

And then here come the children! Their plan is to have a fun weekend tanning and waterskiing on some rich girl's parents' island. (I want that plan.) So the gang goes waterskiing, and the black guy (uh-oh!) gets his arm ripped off by a shark :( But don't worry, the shark doesn't eat the arm, but just deposits it somewhere near by so that the nerd (who, no duh, has all of the muscles) can quickly swim after it, to save it from being eaten I guess later on.

This is what is looks like when a shark eats your arm off (but lets you keep your sweatshirt):



This is what it looks like, hours later, without receiving medical treatment, when you find a spear I guess nobody else needed on the beach and decide to engage in hand-to-hand combat with a hammerhead shark:



If you're thinking that there's no way the shark could win, you'd be obvs correct :)

Don't worry, though, everyone but the nerd and his love interest definitely die in interesting and different ways :)

Only bad point was sorrow at that Donal Logue's "Terriers" got cancelled and made him be a weird character actor in stuff like this (he's the bumbling cop). Man I miss Terriers! That show was so good!



Anyway, Shark Night is awesome. As awesome as Final Destination 5, nee The Final Destination? Yup, sure is.

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