DVD: "Jennifer's Body"

Ok, so Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried are "biffs," with Claire's necklaces to prove it? And some evil rock band comes and (spoiler?) tries to sacrifice Megan Fox for money, but then it turns out Megan Fox isn't a virgin so the demon they're calling gets to live inside her body? Which pretty much makes her a vampire who needs to kill people to suck up their blood so she can function and go to the spring formal and all?



And when Amanda Seyfried figures it all out, Megan Fox comes over to her house and makes out with her? And Amanda Seyfried's all like, cool, let's make out, with lots of close-ups of our tongues, because apparently I am a lesbian? And then all of a sudden, Seyfried's like, Whoa, "what's going on?" And Fox is all like, "I was reverse-sacrificed, so now I have to suck blood, etc"? And then Seyfried goes over to her boyfriend's house, and has sex with him, whilst Fox lies in wait for Seyfried's emo friend, who shows up and then Fox seduces/eats his stomach? And then Seyfried dumps her boyfriend? And then Fox eats Seyfried's boyfriend? And then Seyfried's all, "You were never a very good friend"? And then Seyfried puts a stake through Megan Fox's chest, and Fox is all like, "My tit?" And Seyfried is all like, "No, your heart"? Because girls get confused about the meaningfulness of anatomy? Because anatomy is destiny? And then Fox (and the demon) dies, and then Seyfried goes to a mental health hospital/jail, and then she escapes, and then she kills the evil rock band? And this is supposed to be awesome and insightful and feminist?

It is not awesome. Except for the part where the evil rock band sings "867-5309" right before they begin stabbing Jennifer's Body. That part is hilarious!!!